yeh well
Okay so at the moment i am sitting here skyping with Jana, trying with all my heart not to break down and cry, like a broken hearted child, because the one thing i dont want to do is put this onto my Jana, my beloved.I live in Fear, my life is filled with it. I am in an impossible situation.
I have no answers, i don't think anybody does.
I have no help because there is no way to help, no one that can help.
My life is a prison that only death can free me of, but i dont wish for it, i have to much to live for, so much left undone, so much life left in me and Her.
But when life becomes unbearable what can one do? strive and get through it? give up?
I used to think i knew what i had to do but now im not so sure.
Its hard enough being apart from Jana, but then when i get abused for no good reason other than the fact that he is in a bad mood and looking for a fight, what can i do?
I dont want to be here anymore, i dont like this place i find myself in, phsically and mentally.
But i cant escape, where can i go? and i cant leave Mother to deal with it.....
It is for her that I am still here, why i take the abuse, the emotional blackmail and the petty bullying.
I can't do this much longer i need to get out of here or i fear that soon, i will lose control of myself.
I can feel my mind slipping, thoughts intruding upon my peaceful mind like wildfire, all saying the same thing 'Kill Him, Kill Him'.
It is a solution of a sort, but not one im willing to apply. not yet,
and this is my worst fear.
posted by bLuE_fLaMe @ Wednesday, August 18, 2010
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